Two days ago I wore underwear with the word AWESOME written across the butt. I stole them from my sister when I was at home. They were, in fact, awesome and I shared that sentiment accordingly throughout the day.
I have an incredibly unhealthy obsession with my shrink’s vocabulary because it consists of both cuss words and words I don’t know but want to. It’s like she knows me.
I’ve tried four different times to formally accept my full-time job offer online and can’t make myself click the button. The cursor hangs over the acceptance bubble and all I can feel is an enormous imaginary calculator crushing down on my head. I wonder if Cornelius Agrippa felt similarly right before he sold his soul to the devil.
The other day there was dirt in my bed and instead of washing my sheets I used a lint roller to clean it.
I am going on a date tomorrow night and that makes me nervous.
I cheated in the first round of the fifth grade geography bee and this is the first time I’ve ever admitted that.
There has been a lot of progress made on my thesis this past week and by a lot of progress I of course mean no progress at all.
I’ve cried at least once a week every week for the past 2 months because of the final season of One Tree Hill.
These are the last four searches in my Google history: Lil Wayne’s College Degrees, The Permian Period, IRS Code Section 179, the name of the boy I went on a date with last week.
In all seriousness I have had to pray and repent countless times over the past few weeks because seeing girls with legs I’m jealous of immediately brings the words “skinny bitch” to my mind.
I turned down a scholarship to College of Charleston’s master’s program to take one at Auburn and now regret it with 85% of my heart.
The most overt lesson I am learning from the Lord right now is just how extensive the wickedness of my heart is. And it’s just not all that fun.
I gave up chocolate for Lent and then Donald Miller tweeted about how “I gave up chocolate for Lent” is something Jesus would have never said and then I ate a piece of chocolate and cried because the whole of our lives is just missing the mark over and over and over again.