Confessions

  • Two days ago I wore underwear with the word AWESOME written across the butt.  I stole them from my sister when I was at home.  They were, in fact, awesome and I shared that sentiment accordingly throughout the day.
  • I have an incredibly unhealthy obsession with my shrink’s vocabulary because it consists of both cuss words and words I don’t know but want to.  It’s like she knows me.
  • I’ve tried four different times to formally accept my full-time job offer online and can’t make myself click the button.  The cursor hangs over the acceptance bubble and all I can feel is an enormous imaginary calculator crushing down on my head.  I wonder if Cornelius Agrippa felt similarly right before he sold his soul to the devil.
  • The other day there was dirt in my bed and instead of washing my sheets I used a lint roller to clean it.
  • I am going on a date tomorrow night and that makes me nervous.
  • I cheated in the first round of the fifth grade geography bee and this is the first time I’ve ever admitted that.
  • There has been a lot of progress made on my thesis this past week and by a lot of progress I of course mean no progress at all.
  • I’ve cried at least once a week every week for the past 2 months because of the final season of One Tree Hill.
  • These are the last four searches in my Google history: Lil Wayne’s College Degrees, The Permian Period, IRS Code Section 179, the name of the boy I went on a date with last week.
  • In all seriousness I have had to pray and repent countless times over the past few weeks because seeing girls with legs I’m jealous of immediately brings the words “skinny bitch” to my mind.
  • I turned down a scholarship to College of Charleston’s master’s program to take one at Auburn and now regret it with 85% of my heart.
  • The most overt lesson I am learning from the Lord right now is just how extensive the wickedness of my heart is.  And it’s just not all that fun.
  • I gave up chocolate for Lent and then Donald Miller tweeted about how “I gave up chocolate for Lent” is something Jesus would have never said and then I ate a piece of chocolate and cried because the whole of our lives is just missing the mark over and over and over again.
  • I no longer follow Donald Miller on twitter.

2 thoughts on “Confessions

  1. I now have a dilemma. See, when I’d tell other people about you, the primary adjective I used was “awesome.” Now that word, given the details of this entry, will be by necessity removed from the discussions. Please don’t steal any undergarments with the word “amazing” on them.

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