*So I don’t go on Brent’s double secret probation*
After my accident, I was really mad. I think I woke up angry from surgery and it pretty much got worse from that point on.
I was in pain. And I was frustrated. I hate asking for help. I hate being idle. I hate missing out on things. And I really hate losing my independence. Okay, let’s be honest, I really just hate losing my sense of control.
So I was mad. Everything about it just sucked. And I really struggled to heed the standard Christian-y advice to “trust the Lord’s will” and “see the blessings amidst the storm” and “make the most of the situation.”
Mostly, I just wanted to tell people to shove it. After all, their legs weren’t broken so what did they really know?
But I knew I was being ridiculous. And despite my best efforts to cling to my bitterness and make excuses to cuss as much as I wanted, I knew that the Lord really was sovereign over this stupid wreck, and that fighting it was just succumbing to that silly beast of pride.
So I made an agreement with myself to read Psalm 145 every morning until I could walk again.
I did so begrudgingly, at best. The last thing I wanted after waking up in pain, taking thirty minutes to brush my teeth, make someone bring my coffee and toast, give myself a shot, and take 9 different pills, was to read my bible. But I did it. Probably more out of my ridiculous need to feel productive than my desire to submit to the Lord, but what can you do..
So every morning, I read this:
I will extol you, my God and King,
and bless your name forever and ever.
2Every day I will bless you
and praise your name forever and ever.
3 Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised,
and his greatness is unsearchable.
4 One generation shall commend your works to another,
and shall declare your mighty acts.
5On the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and on your wondrous works, I will meditate.
6They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds,
and I will declare your greatness.
7They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness
and shall sing aloud of your righteousness.
8The LORD is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
9The LORD is good to all,
and his mercy is over all that he has made.
10 All your works shall give thanks to you, O LORD,
and all your saints shall bless you!
11They shall speak of the glory of your kingdom
and tell of your power,
12to make known to the children of man your[b] mighty deeds,
and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures throughout all generations.
[The LORD is faithful in all his words
and kind in all his works.][c]
14The LORD upholds all who are falling
and raises up all who are bowed down.
15The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food in due season.
16You open your hand;
you satisfy the desire of every living thing.
17The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and kind in all his works.
18The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
19He fulfills the desire of those who fear him;
he also hears their cry and saves them.
20The LORD preserves all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.
21My mouth will speak the praise of the LORD,
and let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever.
Some mornings it was slightly encouraging. Most mornings it just was what it was.
But as I was flipping through my Bible this morning, 15 weeks later, I came across this psalm again and was so struck by the Lord’s faithfulness.
Being on the (almost) other side of all the craziness of this season of my life, I really do see the “abundant goodness” of the Lord. I could write about the things I’ve learned from it for days. Now that I’m out of Auburn, I’ve really been able to process a lot of it. And it’s good. And I’m thankful for it. But I don’t really want to type it out and I’m certain people don’t really want to read all of that.
But, at the risk of being cheesy, I am just overwhelmed by the Lord’s grace and goodness this morning.
“The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. the Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made.”