Okay. Overflow again. I didn’t expect it. But at the same time I did. I prayed for it. And I prayed for anything else. Im excited. And I’m terrified. I can’t wait. And I want to run away.
Im thankful that you taught me so much these past two weeks. Im thankful that you worked through me. Im thankful that you broke me.
And im scared that now that I’ve done it once I’m going to turn away. Im going to forget my first love and try to go off of these past two weeks. Father I am so lost without you. So lost that I even forget how lost I am.
I need you so much. I need you to even remember how much I need you.
I need you because I’m broken. But I beg you to keep me broken.
Lord I am nothing without you. But I feel everything with you.
Thank you so much for being so intimate with me right now. I know that all of my spiritual life will not always look like this. I know there are deserts that teach us and help us to grow. But I am so thankful that right now I am finally experiencing the intimacy of your relentless love. And I never want it to go away. You are everything to me. And you are my reason for living. I love you so much. I want all of my life to be a reflection of how much I love you. And in that I want all of these next two weeks to just be a mirror of service of how much you love these girls. I want to run after them and pursue them the way that you run after and pursue both me and them. I want them to leave this camp different because they experienced your true and real and personal love. Lord I don’t know how to get them to that place. But I also know that its not my responsibility to make it happen. You make it happen. And if you so choose to use me in the process then I want to be wiling and humble and ready to be used. But I pray against taking ownership and I pray against taking pride in it. Lord this service is about you. And I trust you. You are so much better and wiser and stronger. Let me not forget that jesus. This life is about you. This camp is about you. My counseling is about you. My heart is for you. And any part of me it that isn’t, take away. Rid me of myself. Break me and level me out. Ruin designs for my own selfish gain.
Transform the lives of these girls so that you will be glorified.
“I will go before you and will level the mountains. I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” Isaiah 45:2-3
You promise this Lord. And so I pray that over these campers.
“For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this. How can I let myself be defamed? I will not yield my glory to another.” Isaiah 48:11
For your name sake I exist. For your name sake I work at this camp. For your name sake, draw these campers into you Lord. And any part of me that isn’t living entirely for your name sake, destroy. I am yours. These girls are yours. This world is yours. Redeem your people Lord.
And thank you for letting me be a part of it.
I love you.