It’s been a while, blog world. Partially due to Spring Break. Partially due to my super fun inability to write anything substantial. And I am sorry.
I came to you today with good intentions. I wanted to bullet point my thoughts for you. But I was incapable of prioritizing them. And although I have done it before, creating a list of thoughts in “random order” would be extremely hypocritical because I have recently become aware of the fact that I have always and will always feel very uncomfortable about things being put in “random order.” Like when teachers post grades in “random order” and make “random” seating charts or when an organization/club/something calls out the list of the new members in “no particular order.” I think they are all lying. Blame my natural skepticism or maybe my parents, (for no real reason other than that it’s easy to blame our parents for flaws in our personalities) but I don’t believe in random order. I over analyze everything to death..thus, I will eventually theorize about the true, hidden, very intentional order behind the “random order” of a list which is typically contingent on where my name has fallen on said list. As if I am going to find out some truth about myself or my flaws or what someone else thinks of me based on where random order has placed me.
This is a flaw of mine…and I may be a little crazy…
But regardless, I will not make a list of thoughts in random order and I can not prioritize them so I am left with few options.
I thought about alphabetizing my thoughts…making 26 very meaningful claims about life and truth and God that all began with a different letter of the alphabet. But aside from the fact that I do not have 26 meaningful things to claim about life and truth and God, I also do not have the attention span or self-discipline to get past “G.”
So that idea is out too.
This is a very frustrating process, blog friends.
Because all I really want to do is tell you about what happened on Spring Break and the really interesting people God sat me next to on multiple plane rides and the conversations I had with them and the book I just finished reading and the boy I may or may not be dating and the beauty that I’m finding in things that are normal. And I want to write about how merciful our God is and how I really want to be cool enough to pull off cute, artsy hats and how I have recently become addicted to peanut butter. And I want to put into words the freedom I’m finding in particular scriptures and the feeling I get when I read Donald Miller and the symbolism I’m seeing in my religious commitment and/or addiction to black coffee.
I want to blog about truth and failures and lessons and colors and taste buds and Jesus and marriage.
But I don’t know how. I am a slave to formulas and aside from long lists of ideas in groups of three and an extreme over-usage of the word “and”, I have no formula with which to write these things to you.
So I’m not going to today.
Instead I am going to make soup and put on my sweat pants and not study at all.