I’m in a season that I don’t understand.  I have no concept of where the Lord is taking me.  I have no guesses on what I might learn from this.  And I have no clue how to handle it.

So I’m sitting here in my sweatpants, drinking black coffee that might be a little too strong, and eating coffee flavored ice cream out of the carton, and I’m frustrated.

With myself and this situation and life.

In church this morning, our pastor talked about knowledge. 

“For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.”  1 Corinthians 2:2

We are called to know nothing but Jesus.  We are called to live and breathe and preach nothing but the story and glory of our creator.  And yet I sit around and search desperately for other knowledge.  I want to know why the Lord has brought me here.  I want to know when it will end and how.  I want to know what he could possibly be trying to tell me. 

And while we’re at it, I want to know what I’m going to do with my life.  I want to know where I’ll live and who I’ll marry and whether or not I’ll have kids and if they will be royally screwed up because I am too crazy to be a mom. 
…there are just so many pointless things that I want to know.

And even more pointless things that I already know.  Like how to justify sin.  Or how to fake like I’m doing really well when on the inside I’m losing it completely.  Or (moment of serious transparency) how to make guys attracted to me for the wrong reasons.  I know so much. 

But I know nothing at the same time.

And in the midst of all this knowledge, or lack thereof, I am called to know nothing but Jesus Christ and him crucified.

I don’t even know what that looks like.

But I want to.

Because it’s when we get knowledge from somewhere other than our creator that we fail.  That’s how Adam and Eve screwed up – they got their knowledge from something else.  And look how much good that did.

I don’t want to look to other trees when my God has already given me a garden of all that I need.

But I do anyway.

Hence, frustration.

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